"There is?" I re-read the letter, stared at the scrawled signature and realized that Jasmine was getting that predatory look in her eye. "You like this kind of thing, don't you?" I said with a shudder. "You're on one of your missions, I can tell."

"You're not answering that letter until I find out who sent this," she told me. "I have a hunch."

A double date tonight at Jubilee with Matt's sister (the assistant prosecutor) and her husband, Jason, the M&A lawyer. What to wear? Sisters are touchy: I'm always conscious of not wanting to reveal too much cleavage around Elspeth.

Sunday, August 29

Last night was touchy indeed. As soon as Matt was away from the table, Elspeth leaned over and said in a conspiratorial tone: "I'm so glad we're seeing you both -- you've worked things out." Jason flashed her a warning look -- which she ignored -- and tried to talk to me about the killer mosquitos, but she talked right over him. I looked at them both, silently wondering if Matt's been having much more than a fling -- has he been double-dating with another girl? When Matt returned, Elspeth let it drop and looked upon her brother with approval as he gently showered me with attention. But was she really trying to bring us together? Or drive us apart?

Tuesday, August 31 The end of the summer is nigh!

This morning, I rushed over to D'Agostino's to stock up on mosquito spray -- I'm forgoing Allure for Off! these days because perfume is a mosquito magnet. Whom should I spy in the express line but April wearing a sleeveless party dress -- on the cover of the National Enquirer! "Up from degradation" read the headline, right next to her blond up-do. "Former e-babez hooker reveals the secrets of an online prostitution ring." But the real news was that April's suing that California madam Anabel Weston for $2 million -- for "intentional infliction of emotional distress." Not wanting to be mistaken for a National Enquirer reader, I surreptitiously slipped it into my shopping bag and said nothing to the check-out girl. For one mad moment, I felt famous -- by virtue of having known April.

According to the Enquirer, Anabel turned April into a compulsive prostitute who can only have orgasms when she does it with men for money -- using her lesbian magnetism to seduce April into a life of hetero-degradation.

"I was brainwashed and hypnotized by a master manipulator who fed me potent -- and dangerous -- herbal concoctions before each sex act," April told the Enquirer. "She used every trick in the book to make me think we had a real relationship -- including a vacation on the island of Lesbos. Then she fed me, for a profit, to all the men who met me through her Web site."

April's lawyer, Anthea Walgreen, was quoted as saying, "My client is seeking reparation -- like the women who are demanding compensation from the Japanese government for being imprisoned in brothels. It is time for other women like April to speak out."

April even claimed to have been "shipped East" by Anabel more than once -- whatever that means. "I don't know if I will ever recover from what Anabel Weston has done to me but I am slowly taking my life back. I want to be the person I was before I met Anabel Weston. Money can't buy my life back, but it's a start." Staring at the manufactured cleavage of the girl who tried to steal my favorite client, I tried to imagine who April was before she met the Internet madam. A spoiled Hollywood brat fallen on hard times? A blue-collar Bible Belt transplant now elevated beyond her wildest dreams? She always seemed too plastic for New York ... What was I thinking when I tried to persuade her to buy Allison's business?

Money can't buy my life back, but it's a start. What does that mean? Only in California would a call girl be audacious enough to sue a madam for millions of dollars and then claim she's a victim. Are escorts really generating this kind of money on the Web? And is it worth it -- if you have to deal with vicious floozies like April Ford?